Relationships: Sticky, Stickier & Stickiest

Just last year my wife, Myra, and I lead a small group at a local university, and the topic was relationships. We posed a simple question, “Do multiple relationships before marriage serve as good practice for marriage, and do you want your future spouse to be experienced sexually before you get married?” What would you say?

To our surprise the girls said that more relationships were better, and they wanted their husbands to be “experienced”. The guys were a little more conservative.

Next we pulled out a piece of paper and some scotch tape. We applied a piece of tape to the paper, and then carefully removed it. “Is the tape still sticky”, we asked? They replied that it might be, but barely. We asked why not, and they replied that the tape removed some of the paper. We all agreed that you might be able to use that same piece of tape 3 times, but afterwards it would be useless.

I then explained that relationships are like that. The emotional and physical bond that occurs is deeper than we can realize, and when we break this relationship it damages something in each person. Each consecutive relationship is less sticky and the breakup is easier each time.

Finally, by the time we get married the only so-called “experience” that we have is how shallow relationships can get and how easy they are to break. We are left with the memories of others which further pollute the bond that we desire to have with our spouse.

Again we asked the students the same question, but the answer was different this time. “It seems that it is better to wait for the right person”, they replied.

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. Gen 2:24

Note: There will be a part two to this post on restoration and how to become sticky again. There is always hope!

Christianity: What Not To Wear

Nose rings, cup holders in our lips, tattoos, ties or a tattoo of a tie? Not long ago I had a conversation with a friend about Christians who have piercings and tattoos, and it seems that for some this theological question is the biggest thing on the heart and mind of God. Of course we were talking about young people and not our grandparents. What should church policy be on these issues?

Believe it or not I had faced the same theological dilemma over 30 years ago at my first baptism. (I have been baptized 3 times, but that is a hitherto unpublished post) My pastor at that time was a very godly preacher, but his short sleeved shirt on baptism day revealed a tattoo of a woman in a bathing suit dated to the 1940’s. He got it I think in the Navy during WW2. As a newborn 10 year old theologian I was shocked but have gotten over it. He went to be with the Lord last year, and he had a great influence on my life. It turned out that he was able to be a pastor and a Christian with that tattoo after all.

As a somewhat progressive church planter I am willing to try almost anything to reach the lost. I dislike ties except on formal occasions, and I have no desire or need to get a tattoo unless it is my phone number which I can never remember. I reach gothic kids now and try to dress a little cooler, but there is no need to dye my hair black unless it starts to turn gray. I considered wearing a spiked collar to fit in with the Goths, but at my age it might be misconstrued for the aberration of a more dominant lifestyle. I try to be myself, but I know others who for the right reasons are a little more progressive than I am. I lose no sleep over this.

From a cultural perspective the question of what to wear and what not to wear can be complex, but from a biblical context it is simple. All women in the US have seen the show What Not to Wear, and if you are a married man you have also been forced to watch it. Some poor soul is submitted to this show by his or her friends and family who think that they could use a change. Their unique daily dress & grooming styles or lack thereof are secretly filmed for a few days, and they are then presented with the evidence and an opportunity to change. BUT, they must get rid of the old, and some people religiously hold on to 20 year old styles, mullets and the like. It sounds like a few archaic church styles that I know of.

The concept of this show is not new. The spiritual version can be found in God’s Word:

What to take off: Eph 4:25-29

• Take off worldliness
• Take off selfishness
• Take off bitterness, unforgiveness, etc. 2 Tim 3:1-4
• Take off a religious spirit. 2 Tim 3:5

What to put on: Rom 13:12

• Put on the new self. Of course this means to take off the old self. Col 3:1-7
• The armor of God. This is a big one, but I would like to emphasize the footwear here. Eph 6:10-20
• Put on the Lord Jesus Christ. This means to look like Jesus and not like us. Rom 13:10-14
• Put on love. Of course, a lot has to be removed to put this on.

Ultimately, God is concerned with the style of the heart and not the style of the clothing, hair or what part of our face we hang our dad’s extra fishing tackle. It is the heart that ultimately shows our life’s purpose or who is at the center of our lives. A heart that is properly clothed and focused on the will of the right person, namely Jesus, is prepared to be what Paul stated:

…I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some. 1 Cor 9:22

What determines your personal style, Kingdom purpose or just personal expression? The two sometimes line up but sometimes don’t.

For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Gal 3:27-28

The Church: In Lieu of Flowers…

I have been known to read the obituaries, which my wife thinks is morbid. What interests me is not death but what is said about a person’s life and the legacy that they left behind. One comment that often catches my attention is something like, “In lieu of flowers contributions can be made to the American _______ Society.” That society is often named after some awful disease that took that person’s life.

To me it is as if that person and their family fought that disease until the bitter end, and even after the fight was lost the family wants to celebrate the fight of life instead of giving honor to death. They continue that fight by investing and encouraging others to invest in conquering that dreadful disease.

As a church planter I am sometimes confronted by statistics on how bad the church is doing and how far certain nations have drifted from God. Many proclaim a woe-is-us mentality while accusing one person or another and discussing church and leadership spiritual obituaries as evidence that the sky is falling.

I for one do not agree because the world has always been more or less a mess, and Jesus knew this when He gave the Great Commission to “GO THEREFORE!” I would like to tack onto the end of every cynical church obituary or apocalyptic news headline the following: In Lieu of Flowers please…

• Proclaim in faith that God’s kingdom will in fact come on earth as it is in heaven. I seem to remember this being included in a famous prayer somewhere.
• Study your culture, its problems and dive ever deeper into God’s word to better understand how to communicate the cure. A right relationship with God, following Jesus & making disciples is the solution.
• Take the step of faith to be a part of reaching others, and invest in other ventures throughout the world as other like-minded people do the same.
• When the faith of others is derailed by the defeat or failure that they perceive in the church or in a nation then step in and stop the funeral. Jesus literally stopped funerals!

This battle begins with personal faith in God, but we must by all means proclaim this faith to others. The enemy does his share of proclaiming through secular media and even through believers who sometimes – pardon me here – just seem to be in morbid awe of what kind of mischief the antichrist is up to. I had better stop here before I necessarily offend someone.

We used to sing this song that was the proclamation of a pagan king. It would not hurt to sing it again.

…For He is the living God and enduring forever,
And His kingdom is one which will not be destroyed,
And His dominion will be forever. Dan 6:26

Never Disappointed

For the Scripture says, "Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed." Rom 10:11

Imagine that you lived in a world where nothing lets you down. All politicians do what they promise, your job is secure, products work as advertised, everyone thinks you are great, your church exceeds your expectations and your pastor never makes mistakes or offends you.

In motivational seminars they often ask, “What would you do in life if you knew you would never fail?” They then offer to sell you a product that will help you achieve that goal, and if it does not work you will be disappointed with the people who sold it to you, disappointed that you couldn’t fulfill that dream and disappointed at yourself for either buying that product or not having the initiative or talent to make it work.

Yet God promises that in such a world of guaranteed pain and failure it is possible to NEVER BE DISAPPOINTED. That is, if we trust in Him. But what does it mean to trust in Him? The list of scenarios are as long as life itself, but trust in God implies ultimate trust and this is where we can begin in our understanding of never being disappointed.

Ultimate Value: If you allow anyone on this planet to define you or ascribe value to you then you will be disappointed. The best that I can do even as a Christian leader is let you know how God values you, but I might also be having a bad day and by not being as polite as I should you might judge your value by the amount of attention that I give. This is a best case scenario – it happens in every church every Sunday - but this world is even meaner and will rip you apart with unkindness. However, God shows us how He values us by what He gave to save us, His only Son. Jn 3:16

Ultimate Purpose: Forrest Gump asked his mama if he had a destiny, but even his mama could not fully define his destiny and she truly loved him. We are not feathers floating around to nice theme music. The reality is more like hopscotch in a mine field at times.

God defines our purpose, but He does not wind up our lives like a toy and then walk away while we stumble through the pitfalls of this world alone. He is actively fulfilling His promises and causing all things to work together for ultimate good. Even when man lets us down by dropping the ball of our lives – case in point the life of Joseph – God is the one who is really in control. It is a promise. Rom 8:28

Ultimate Accountability: I am accountable to many people, but ultimately I am only accountable to God. If I seek His face and obey Him the best that I can and still am not successful by man’s standards I can be content. I am called to obedience. I am also called to fruitfulness, but that fruitfulness is based on abiding in Him and may not always be deemed success by this world or even by some in the church. By some of the standards that I hear these days people would even call the life of Jesus a failure if I were to tell the same story in a modern setting and change the names. The same would go for the Apostle Paul. But God was pleased, well-pleased!

God never promised freedom from pain in this life. He never promised that people would not let us down. He never promised that everyone would love us and be for us and be excited about our destinies. But He did promise that our hearts would never be broken by Him, and if we will come to Him with broken hearts, He will heal us. He also made a few more promises that will not fit in this post, over 3000.

And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Rom 5:3-5

Honk If You Love Jesus?

You have all seen it if you have been behind the wheel enough. An elderly couple at the stoplight has stalled their car, and the impatient line of cars behind them resorts to a cacophony of honks and insults to remedy the situation. The longer they wait the worse it gets.

Of course it makes perfect sense, and everyone knows that loud complaining and inaction is the best way to change a scenario. Just the other day my car was having problems so I drove it to a local stadium – that’s right, a stadium – where I paid hundreds of people sitting on their laurels to shout at the top of their lungs, speak curses and you know, it was just the thing to repair my car!

It was then I knew I was on to something, and as a missionary this approach might come in handy. The church needs more material and people resources for the task at hand, and even Jesus said that there were not enough workers to go around. It must be someone’s fault, and I doth protest! The scandal! The outrage! Someone should write another blog!

Or consider the following. The frustrated citizen turns off his motor, unbuckles and gets out of his car. He stands on his bumper to look ahead to what is holding up progress and quickly discerns what must be done. He walks up to the stoplight, inspires a few more complainers and they together help to start the elderly couple’s car.

In the end action is much better than reaction, and in the church there is only one responsible party and one source of resources. Ultimately I am responsible to be a part of solving problems and not to just whine about them, and Jesus told us to ask Him for our resources and not to grumble and complain.

Anyone can parrot the nightly news, diagnose a traffic jam or complain about the church, but who can bring change? If you really love Jesus then get out and push.

Solomon’s Wisdom on Splitting Children & Churches

I have been walking with God for 25 years, and during that time I have experienced two church splits. The first time was when I had been saved for less than 6 months, and the second time was when I was a missionary.

Church splits are a lot like divorces in that there are irreconcilable differences, property disputes and finally child custody disputes. Behind it all – at least in churches – is usually an offence that has festered too long or even someone’s desire to take control. A person who takes control usually has difficulty distinguishing the difference between people and personal property.

In 1 Kings 3:16-28 two women came to Solomon to settle a dispute. They both had children about the same age, but one woman had rolled over on her child while sleeping and suffocated the child. When she awoke she exchanged her dead child with the other woman’s child.

Both women asserted their claim on the living child, but Solomon could not determine which was telling the truth. He then decided to cut the child in two parts and give one part to each woman. The woman who was lying agreed, but the true mother surrendered her right to the child so that it could live.

I remember asking a young leader who was a key figure in a church dispute about the fallout of a possible church split. Until my conversation there had only been a lot of discussion of doctrinal differences and offences, but I asked, “There are over 40 children in Sunday school who come to church without their parents. Have you thought about them? They will be scattered to the wind if you continue.” Unfortunately, wisdom was not heeded that day, and that church was almost brought to and end by the ensuing split which did in fact scatter those children to the wind.

Doctrines are very necessary, but doctrines are the foundations of new life for things that I like to call “people”. As in marriage where children are involved we need to solve differences in the church by considering more than our own personal tastes, dreams and opinions. The spiritual wellbeing of many who are not aware of our differences is at stake, and a selfish or impulsive move on our part can derail the spiritual walks of many others for years to come.

What then is Solomon’s wisdom? Sometimes it is better to lose a personal argument for the greater good. God is sovereign, and He can reveal through wisdom and circumstances who does and does not have the sheep’s and His kingdom’s greater good in mind.

So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another. Rom 14:19

NASA & Expendable Christendom

When NASA sent men to the moon it spent 20-25 billion dollars on the Apollo missions. Thousands of scientists and engineers poured their entire intellects into building a very expensive machine that was ultimately totally destroyed in the using.

There was no sorrow in the destruction of all their inventions though because that was a part of the plan. The Saturn V rocket contained over 3 million parts that all served one purpose, to get three men to the moon and back safely. When the rocket left the ground the launch pad was incinerated. Each stage of the rocket was eventually lost to either burning up in our atmosphere or remaining in orbit as the rest of the rocket fought against the earth’s gravity to lift those three men to the heavens.

One part of the capsule landed on the moon, but to conserve weight it left its landing gear on the moon when it headed back to earth. That very capsule was jettisoned to also burn up after the three astronauts readied the last surviving part of the Saturn V, a small capsule, for reentry into the earth’s atmosphere.

After billions of dollars, thousands of man-hours and the incineration of the great majority of the 3-million part spacecraft NASA had successfully sent three men to the moon – only two of the crew actually landed – and safely back with the addition of some very valuable moon rocks. The vehicle was expendable, but the people were not. There was no grief for the lost rocket but only jubilation in achieving a monumental goal.

The church is a lot like NASA. One of its missions is to send people to heaven, and it is a forgone theological conclusion that no earthly device, organization, building, fame of man, etc. will make it to heaven, only people who have trusted in Jesus for salvation.

The church should have no grief in the expenditure of massive resources to get people to heaven, but it should have considerable grief when its mission to reach the nations is not accomplished. Unfortunately, some of the church could be likened to a NASA that built all those rockets only to never fly them. They would go directly to museums. Or like a NASA that used all those rockets as very expensive fireworks. However, the taxpayers would never stand for such a thing, and neither should the church stand for investing in anything that does not serve the expressed desires and purposes of God, to seek and save that which was lost.

In comparing a healthy church to NASA I would also compare a church with misplaced priorities to science fiction. So called miracles (there are still real miracles!) just become special effects that serve no other purpose other than shock and awe. I had better get back on the main topic before I say too much…

I can’t but help feeling nostalgic for the bygone days of great visionaries like JFK who rallied a nation to go to the moon, and I also miss the days when I was a young believer and there was a mighty call going forth to fulfill the call of God. We can have those days again. We must have those days.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matt 6:19-21

My Big Toe Advocate

My first school bus was bus #133, and it was so old that it looked like one of those school busses you might see in a cartoon that actually had a face and could smile and talk. You know, like Thomas the Tank Engine. I was in the first grade, and during my first few weeks I felt like young Forrest Gump as all the older kids staked claims on the best seats.

Of course the most prized seat was at the back, and only the toughest guy could stake that claim. Not only did this guy - a 6th grade bully who was twice my size – claim the back of the bus as his fiefdom, but for some reason he decided that the big toe on my right foot was his enemy. For many days he would stomp the heel of his shoe on that toe until it was swollen, bleeding and infected.

I was afraid to tell my parents, but my mom saw my limp and after seeing the damage she made me show my dad. Well, my dad, Arthur Watkins, was your typical working-class guy who slaved in a local textile mill his whole life. He was neither the best dad nor the worst dad. He had hands made of steel, and I was generally afraid of his wrath. However, I was soon to see a side of him that I will never forget.

Instead of totally losing his cool my dad just asked me how long this had been going on and who was doing it. He usually said things like, “If a bigger guy bullies you just pick up the nearest stick and knock him in the side of the head.” But this time was different. He just quietly said. “This won’t happen to you again.”

The next day I was on the bus heading home, and dad would arrive home from work an hour after me. The bus soon squeaked to a stop near my house, the double doors swung open and as I began to exit the bus I met the towering figure of my dad getting on. It was a Clint Eastwood spaghetti-western moment, and I knew that some kid on the back of the bus probably would not live to graduate 6th grade. People get arrested for stuff like this these days.

I froze as my dad passed me and went to the back of the bus. He approached the bully who by now was getting spiritual. He looked the kid in the eyes and said, “You have been hurting my son. It will never happen again.” And then without another word we got off the bus and walked home together.

I have never forgotten this day, and it reminds me that if our earthly fathers protected us as best they could then what about our heavenly Father? If I had known what my natural father was capable of doing on my behalf I would have confronted this bully with confidence long ago.

If we also knew the advocacy and power of our heavenly Father we would not put up with the harassment of the bully of our souls, the devil.

By the way, that guy never even looked at me again until I met him over 30 years later. I was preaching in a church, and he was in the congregation. I talked with him after the meeting, but I never mentioned the incident because he did not remember me.

I’ll bet he remembered my dad though!

Death, Hell & Taxes

Ben Franklin said that, “…in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” I for one have been afraid of both. Mind you, I am not actually afraid of taxes, but I have a phobia of filling out tax forms. I actually dislike filling out any kind of form for that matter.

There are many fears in this world, and there is nothing better to help us walk through or overcome a fear than a friend who has passed through the same ordeal and who is now living proof that it is possible to survive. 2 Cor 1:2-7. Anyone who has overcome any adversity such as addiction, depression, sickness, poverty or loneliness is an eyewitness to the fear, hopelessness and finally eventual hope and victory that we all long for.

However, who has gone through the ultimate fear – the fear of death – that we all must face? And the next fear is what may or may not follow, judgment and hell. If I asked a crowded room, “Has anyone here died recently and come back? I am really worried about what comes next?”

And then some guy says, “Sure, that happened to me just last week. The doctor said that I had little time left, and he was right. I died, but then I came back. It wasn’t too bad.”

This is of course absurd, but allow me to continue. Most religions offer some hopeful explanation about death and what may follow, but it is only a hopeful theory without living proof. Atheists offer absolute certainty that there is nothing after death, but even they grow anxious near their own end.

Then there is Jesus whose entire ministry addressed this question. He taught about it, but it did not end with teaching. He displayed such a mighty authority over creation that He was able to overrule sickness, the forces of nature and death itself. Those who were closest to Him even wondered who He might really be during such occurrences.

I cannot fully expound here on the magnitude of what Jesus did when He was crucified, buried and was raised from the dead. However, there is one place in Scripture where His closest disciple, John, sees in one moment the truth of who Jesus is and what He did. Rev 1:9-20.

John sees the risen and glorified Christ just as He is in heaven, the Lord of glory, the Resurrection and the Life. And what a light! John falls as a dead man at the sight, but then something happens and if you can embrace this truth it will overrule your greatest fears.

When I saw Him, I fell at His feet like a dead man And He placed His right hand on me, saying, "Do not be afraid; I am the first and the last, and the living One; and I was dead, and behold, I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of death and of Hades. Rev 1:17-18

• The Risen Jesus is the same Jesus that John had fellowshipped with. Jesus lays his hand of authority, comfort and blessing upon John.
• Jesus assures John that he should not be afraid because of who He really is. He is the first and the last.
• Jesus tells John not to be afraid because He has gone though and defeated death once and for all. He is alive forevermore.
• Jesus now has complete control and authority over the things that are our greatest fears, death and hell. There is no greater authority than Jesus.

When the main fear is defeated all the others will dim and eventually disappear.

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? Who will bring a charge against God's elect? God is the one who justifies; who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us. Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

Just as it is written, "FOR YOUR SAKE WE ARE BEING PUT TO DEATH ALL DAY LONG; WE WERE CONSIDERED AS SHEEP TO BE SLAUGHTERED."

But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom 8:31-39

Imagine the potential of a life following Jesus based on such a secure foundation. Now embrace that foundation and live that life!

Resonance Truth

I remember trying to encourage a young believer once by telling him all the great things God thought about him. He nodded his head in agreement, but his eyes were looking downward. I actually reached out and lifted his chin with my hand so that he could at least look me in the eye. “God loves you”, I exclaimed, “and He has forgive your sins!”

He said he believed this, but as soon as I removed my hand his head fell again. Did this man believe what I said? Yes and no. His mind accepted it, but it did not resonate within.

Resonance. If you know anything about music you know that a well-tuned piano or guitar will resonate the same note as a tuning fork. In fact, if you sing a certain note into the body of a guitar or piano the strings that are in tune with that note will respond with the same note. Try it.

However, if you drop that well-tuned piano or guitar a few feet you will find it nearly impossible to find a coherent note in those instruments with a tuning fork. Humanity itself has been dropped more than a few feet. The drop was so great that we call it The Fall, and when fallen humanity comes into contact with God’s salvation truth it is so out of tune that there is no inner response unless the Holy Spirit strikes the chord. To keep the theology and the analogy simple I will call this chord “conviction.”

Even when we as believers agree with our minds we find it difficult for our emotions to be in tune with God’s truth. We still live in unredeemed bodies and in a fallen world, so the tendency of our souls is to resonate with the environment. The only solution is for us to tune our souls with God’s word on a daily basis to the point that the lies and temptations of the world no longer resonate as true. This is no mere exercise because in doing so the Holy Spirit is also at work.

The strongholds of the enemy also produce resonance, a resonant lie. This happens when a whole society or region agrees with one particular lie such as abortion, gay marriage, atheism, etc. To these people God’s truth sounds out of tune, and in fact they use that phrase, “You Christians are out of tune with your antiquated morals.”

The only way to retune society is with truth, and we usually have to do this one string – one person - at a time. The only way to change society is to change people, and the only way to do this is for them to meet their original composer, God.

In order for us to help people return to God our souls need to be in tune with God and not in resonance with the world. Imagine for a moment Lance Armstrong as he cycles to his umpteenth victory of the Tour de France. Just 200 meters before the finish some guy from the crowd yells, “Loser!” Lance hits the brakes, and walks over to argue with the heckler. NOT!

I do not think that an empty lie would resonate in Lance any more than an empty lie should resonate in us such that we quit the race.