Church: Seeker-Friendly or Just Friendly?

In the realm of church planting and church growth, the phrase seeker-friendly has arisen as a way to make it easier for people to come to God, or at least to His house. In the best sense this phrase describes attempts to remove unnecessary barriers to people attending church such as formal attire, archaic music styles and “christianese” which is our inbred lingo that makes little sense to the outside world.

In the worst sense, seeker-friendly sometimes means just entertaining people and catering to their personal preferences. A few go so far as to remove from the gospel elements that might offend - you know, the cross, etc. I would not even call this seeker-oriented. It is just a way to attract or distract people from their Sunday morning golf game or a few extra hours of sleep.

However, the root problem in all of this is an oft-misunderstood idea of what people are actually seeking. I mean are they really seeking what we are trying to provide? Case-in-point:

This summer I attended two different churches in the US where I had never been before. I don’t play golf and didn’t want to sleep in that morning and since I am a Christian I thought it might be a good idea to meet with my God and with His people.

The first church was stylistically a perfect fit for me. It was nearby, and I had heard about it from a friend on Twitter. I arrived early so I could mingle and meet people, and I was confronted by a super facility and a continual line of greeters on each side of me. No kidding, there were at least 10 people on each side of me handing out welcome brochures. This corridor of humanity led to the welcome desk which I decided to skip.

I then proceeded to my seat in the main hall and enjoyed a wonderful contemporary service. After the meeting I tried to meet the pastor, but he was busy with another person so he handed me off to one of his leaders who was excited to meet me. He then led me away to what I thought would be a conversation. However, he dropped me off at the visitor desk where I was given a free coffee mug and was thanked for coming.

I did manage to fellowship with my God in this church, but not one person there seemed to know I was also seeking a connection with friendly people. Even with all the greeters no one actually took the time to genuinely greet me.

The second church I visited was a large Baptist church in my home town. I heard they had a contemporary service, and I had a few friends who went there so I decided to visit. I walked in to organ music and to a crowd where the average age was 65. This was not contemporary at all, and I did not see any of my friends there. Wrong address? However, the preaching was great, and I once again met with my God.

One more thing though, many of those older people came up to me and gave me very warm greetings. They were very FRIENDLY, and the elderly woman sitting in front of me told me later how much she liked my singing voice. This was not the style of service I was seeking, but the friendly nature of the members more than compensated and I had a great time. Later I found out that my friends had attended the earlier contemporary service which I did not know about.

Ultimately, the biggest attraction for the seeker is our love towards them and the hope and truth we display by our changed lives. Since we ourselves are the body of Christ then we personally need to be seeker friendly. Addressing stylistic questions and the shape of the roof on our building is secondary to this.

Christian Glue: Trust

In my 25 years of walking with Jesus I have also been walking alongside people who are themselves walking with Jesus. I have seen friendships come and go as well as ministries come and go.

As I have pondered the joining and breaking of relationships I have noticed some unexpected characteristics. There are many who believe that the main bond that ties friends and even ministries together is a common belief, and for Christians to walk together it is essential to have the same foundations and goals. However, within Christendom there is another bond that can be neither taught nor bought. It is trust.

Some of my best friends are also those with whom I argue the most. We usually have the same goals, but differ on how to get there. We also differ on how to solve certain problems, but we agree on what the solution looks like.

Yet I know others who are more closely aligned ideologically, but they can’t seem to walk together. The reason more often than not is a lack of trust or broken trust. In light of this I see a few areas of trust that act as a strong glue when the forces of this world and the work that we are trying to do try to tear us apart.

Respect & Honor: There are fewer things more empowering for a man than being respected by his friends. This means both public and private respect. It is strong glue, but when it is violated it often damages things beyond repair. We need to watch over our words so that they always build up and not tear down.

Integrity: This does not imply perfection, but it does imply that the person is the same in private as in public. Some leaders strive to look good; however, good leaders strive to actually do good.

Ambition: I trust people who foster a collective ambition, and the greatest collective ambition is for God and His kingdom. I believe in a good kind of ambition for a ministry, but not when it is competing with another ministry to be more prominent. The worst kind of ambition is a personal ambition that will use others for self promotion rather than promoting others over themselves. When a person positions others as pawns only to sacrifice them later for personal gain he might become king, but he will never be trusted again.

Honesty: I had an argument with a friend not long ago about a new evangelistic method that I did not like. We both later admitted that we were both wrong and that the other had good points. I simply love and trust this brother. Nothing is hidden at the end of the day.

Catastrophe: When a man is in the midst of trials, falls or fails, his circle of “friends” sometimes distance themselves from the calamity so that they do not lose some kind of public status by having been associated with that person. They may even consider it expedient to sacrifice that relationship, but there is no such concept in God’s word. God seeks, saves, redeems and restores.

No one really trusts people who do this, but sometimes we hear of people who risk scandal by associating with a friend who is in real trouble. Which would you trust?

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Prov 17:17

Darwin, Evangelism & Community

Throughout history there have been many explanations for various things from science to spiritual matters. It was once thought that ocean waves caused the wind, and since one always came with the other that seemed plausible (wind causes waves). When I was young I thought that cold water passed through a glass, but I now know that it is just condensation. I was also puzzled and annoyed that the underside of my pillow was always cooler than the top side. What was the mysterious source of heat on the top side? It turned out to be my head.

There are as many opinions on evangelistic methods as there are abandoned exercise machines in basements and attics. Some methods work in one church only to fail in another as do exercise machines for those who place their hope in the machine. There is no mystery with the exercise machines because some people really think that if they buy one of those machines that they saw models using on TV then they will lose weight even if they continue a sedentary lifestyle in front of the TV while eating TV dinners and watching infomercials about exercise machines.

The same is often true of outreach ideas. Churches buy into something new without realizing what really caused it to work in another church in the first place. They thought it was the new form, but it is often a hidden principle behind the form. In deciphering why some things really work I would like to look at just one element. Community.

While I lived in Asia I saw tremendous growth in our churches, and my friends in the west attributed this to a new method for small groups. They copied these methods which simply did not work for them. In Asia there was this one thing that was so much in plain sight that it was actually overlooked. Community. Everyone knew everyone, and believers still had many friends who were unbelievers. It was natural to simply invite someone to a group.

In the west community has all but vanished in many areas. In my home state of North Carolina people are very friendly and polite, but they don’t really know their neighbors. When churches in these areas buy into a new outreach idea such as small groups they find that they are immediately intimidated by the fact that they don’t really know anyone well enough to invite them to a group. They try the new outreach machine for a season, but upon finding out that it requires work to reach people they soon send the new model to the basement.

Fortunately for missionaries like me – and unfortunately I might add – we can rely on little in Christendom to help us reach the lost in unchurched societies. Attractional methods don’t work well, and people are suspicious of us. We are left with little recourse but to actually start from scratch and build community.

I am not speaking of Christian community though. I am talking about spending an extended season getting to know unbelievers, doing things together; serving them until the point they “invite us in”. This is the tipping point where real ministry can begin, but it only happens in proportion to the net of community that we have built.

This is one of the missing links in outreach, and there are no shortcuts. It takes time. It takes patience, and the only thing that helps us stay patient is to have a goal of reaching people rather than a goal of filling a church building on Sunday mornings. God will add people to the church if we do our part.

A few more random truths: I still like cool pillows, Evolution is just a story with no scientific mechanism, glass does not sweat, fasting does not eliminate toxins (your liver and kidneys do that), running your car on a full tank does not give better gas mileage and those TV models did not get those fabulous abs on those exercise machines that were invented just last week.

However, people sweat when they exercise, and it would not hurt the church to start a few evangelistic exercises and fast from spiritual junk food and Christian infomercials that clog the airways.

The Opposite of Community: Being Alone

There I stood before the church trying to figure out the best way to describe the need for small group ministry. What complicated this was that I wanted to use the word “community”, but this church did not understand that English word because they were Ukrainian. I also had to use a translator that day, Pastor Igor, because I cannot preach in Ukrainian.

As I discussed my message with Igor before the meeting the only word that we could come up with to describe community in a Ukrainian context was family. Still, this word did not convey exactly what I wanted because families here are often fragmented. As I began my message I could not resist playing with Igor a little. As I preached I used the word “community” anyway. Igor paused while not expecting my change, and two leaders on the front row immediately offered what they thought to be the best word to use.

I stood for a minute to let the lesson of this distracting example sink in. “You see”, I continued, “we cannot even agree on what word to use for this foreign concept.” In fact, it really is a foreign concept because every culture on this planet has a slightly different understanding of community. However, I still believed the concept was both biblical and universal. There must be a simple key to unlock this truth, and there was.

In the very beginning: The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone…” Gen 2:18

And there we have it. The best way to understand community in any cultural or spiritual context is to understand its purpose and even it’s opposite. It is not good for us to be alone.

About once a year I read the tragic story of some poor soul who was found dead in their home or apartment after a period of many years. This usually happens in Europe or the US, and one person was found to have died 10 years before. No one noticed the mail piling up because there was no mail. Shocked neighbors would later say, “They kept to themselves”, or “I thought that they had moved.”

While some would blame the relatives and neighbors for not being “neighbors” – and this is oftentimes the case - we cannot overlook the fact that some people have simply decided to drop off the map. This can include Christians who see no need for the local church, but when things go wrong in their lives they often become critical of the church for not responding.

Even people who go to church are sometimes just visiting a crowd that has no expression of community throughout the week. Hundreds of people can be standing around you, and you are still alone. I must add here that when I used this example in church that day there were two reactions on the faces of those listening. Younger people had a look of disbelief, but older people had a look of terror. They felt more vulnerable and had the greatest fear of loneliness and abandonment.

• Community, family or whatever you want to call it in your language provides for things that are essential for the human soul: Love, nurturing, protection, encouragement, values, joy, fun and vision.
• Spiritual community provides for the exact same things with the added elements of eternal purpose and equipping for life and service. To live without these is to at best simply exist.
• Spiritual community is also important to the secular community. People would wander in darkness if it were not for the family of God, and they will remain without hope and vision without you.
• Secular community is also important to spiritual community. You will not grow either individually or as a spiritual community if you do not reach and serve those who do not have the hope of eternal life.

Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Prov 27:17

Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart. Eccl 4:9-12

Gossip: I’m Glad They Don’t Talk About Me

Wow, I am such a fortunate guy. Let me explain. I have noticed a trend over the years that whenever I am with other people they never speak badly about me. However, they do sometimes speak badly of others, but I can dismiss this because they don’t talk about me.

Well, I need to give these people a little more credit. They don’t always speak badly of others, but they do sometimes reveal a lot of details about the lives of others, their failures, their marriage problems, their inadequacies and shortcomings especially in the area of ministry. It is so tempting to join in the conversation because it makes one feel accepted when people invite you in the confidence “of others”.

I am also glad people don’t talk about me because I feel inadequate at times, I am not the perfect husband and dad, and I have shared my inadequacies with my friends. I have made a few dumb mistakes in ministry and in life, and sometimes I just did not know how to do what I was doing. The average guy.

Then there are a few leaders whom I know that don’t talk about anyone. They are tight lipped, and you can’t pry their mouths open with a crowbar. One of them is my pastor, Mike. I can’t get any news out of the guy, and I am quite sure no one can get any “negative” news about me from him. Thanks Mike!

I know another leader like Mike, but he would want to remain nameless. He praises everyone in public – and in private. When he talks about people’s accomplishments he embellishes them to make the people look really good. He has done this to me, and I felt awkward because I know the failures that have accompanied the accomplishments. This guy just didn’t feel the need to mention the failures and shortcomings. However, he did mention his own shortcomings on the mission field which made me feel a lot better about my clumsy journey. He has helped many in the same way.

No, I am not stupid, just being constructively sarcastic. I know that if my closest friends would talk about their closest friends in front of me then my life might be too juicy to pass up when I am not around. Don’t worry; I am not paranoid about people talking about me right now. Really, all is quiet on the Eastern Front. It is just a point that has to be made. I have run my mouth at times, and was convicted later. No one is really innocent in this.

We reap what we sow, so I am without excuse if my name goes through the ringer. I can contribute to an overall atmosphere that will eventually turn on me also or lift me up. I find that I must prepare my heart when getting around crowds and even leaders. I tell myself, “Mike, don’t talk so much. You WILL be tempted to gossip especially under the guise of ministry. Just shut your mouth.” I also try to preemptively praise others so that any attempt to gossip by others will have to go through an awkward barrier. It is a discipline.

When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise. Prov 10:19

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Eph 4:29

He who conceals a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends. Prov 17:9

More Simple Math: The Power of One

Over the last year my wife, Myra, and I have become friends with a very special person, Jane Walker. After visiting the Tondo dump in Manila last year where Jane has a miraculous ministry to the poorest of the poor Myra wrote the article that is linked here: Tondo, Philippines: Heroes of the City Dump.

I will let you read the article for yourselves, but suffice it to say that if one person can believe God to start something with nothing in the worst place in the world then what would happen if more than one would believe God for such things? True faith looks at the valley of dry bones and says God can speak life where there is nothing but death. Ez 37

• One is good, but two is better.
• Addition is a sort-term solution, but multiplication of laborers for the harvest is the ultimate answer.
• If Jane can do so much with so little what can we do with so much?

A Tale of Two Villages, Part 7

In the movie “The Village” a small community tried - without success - to live in relative harmony with itself, and they had absolutely zero contact with the outside world so that they could insulate themselves from evil influences. The world did not even know that this village existed, and that is the way the elders of the Village wanted it. (If our churches disappeared would the world even notice it?) I will not spoil the plot, but it is full of surprises.

This movie was an extreme example of isolation, and I have never been in a church that was that isolated; however, I have heard some bizarre comments:

• “Why are we involved in missions when we don’t reach our own?” The person who said this didn’t want to reach their own either.
• “We want to have many congregations reaching every area of the city, but I don’t understand this focus on outreach?” This is my favorite quote.
• “That city is saturated with churches. Why are you going there?” That city was at best 5% Christian but had several famous mega-churches.

In the Philippines there is a unique kind of community, a village, that is the exact opposite of the community in the movie “The Village”. I speak of the fishing village. Here are some simple characteristics:

• The main goal is to live and to catch fish.
• This village is a community built directly beside a body of water or even sometimes on bamboo stilts over the water. Why? Well… because that is where the fish are.

I think that you get the point. The church should not be an isolated group in a building. It should be community reaching community from within community. This is the Christianity that we all long to see, and I sincerely hope to reproduce it everywhere I go. To my friends in the Philippines … Thanks.

Net Fishing vs. Line Fishing, Part 6

I have never fished with a net, but the Bible uses this as the primary analogy in evangelism. Some say line fishing – a pole & line attached to a hook – is like reaching just one person at a time while net fishing is like a large event that gathers many people at once. Well, I beg to differ on that meaning of net fishing.

I have organized several large-scale outreaches in Ukraine, and in one we saw 3000 decisions in two weeks. We knew none of these people before the outreach, and even with organized follow-up we only saw about 10 people added to the churches involved. Even large ministries will tell you that follow-up is the most problematic aspect of large crusades. Our intentions were always good, but the nets simply broke. Most of our growth has always been through one-to-one encounters.

I started this series talking about an “itch” that I had when I first heard about the way the church was growing in Manila, and now the itch has been scratched and satisfied. The net is not the super evangelist or the crusade. The net is community: individuals, families and social groups that already exist in the world’s community that are saved, trained and ministering in community where the lost live. When we tap into the potential of our members then true net fishing occurs, and fruitfulness is multiplied.

In many western countries individualism has eroded the fabric of community to such an extent that people no longer know their own neighbors. This erosion weakens the very net that facilitates reaching society from within. It makes us strangers to the world even before we become Christians, and when we do finally come to the Lord the church can unwittingly estrange us even more from the lost around us. The most expedient solution to this erosion has been to rely on professional ministers to do 80% of the work that all the members should be doing, but this produces a further atrophy in our God-given ability and desire to share our faith. We simply lose by default.

When Steve first invited me to Manila I asked him what I would be doing to which he replied, “The same thing everyone else does.” This was a bit of a jolt to a full-time missionary like myself, but it was the medicine that I had to take before the itch would leave. Desiring titles or the position as “the man of God” will never advance God’s kingdom, and it may even hinder it as we make ourselves the roadblock that younger growing leaders can never get past. Over the years God has removed much of this mindset from me, and every honest pastor must admit that it is an issue in a world where performance and success are exalted.

As a full-time missionary I am at best a leader (to Jesus, not myself), an equipper, which I love to do, and the rest a follower of Jesus and fisher of men. Matt 4:19 The kingdom is best advanced by ordinary, equipped Christians following Christ in community. This is the essence of what we call “discipleship”.

The highlight of this week for me was taking my friend, Marcus, through our One-2-One booklet over sushi at Teriyaki Boy. He is already a Christian, but I was mentoring him to better reach those whom he meets every day. I am convinced that he will bear much fruit, more than me because he lives and works in community. The examples here of ordinary people bearing extraordinary fruit are too numerable to mention! You need to see it just once…in your own church...in your own life.